Finding Christmas Again

Growing up, Christmas was always a big family gathering — the kind where the house felt too small for all the noise, the laughter, and the clatter of dishes. But as the years went by and I got older, so did everyone else, and the celebrations slowly became quieter. Eventually, Christmas became just me and my parents.

Then in 2022, a few weeks before Christmas, I lost my Dad. As you can imagine, everything about Christmas changed in an instant. The lights felt dimmer, the traditions felt heavier, and the season that once meant togetherness suddenly felt like a reminder of what was missing. Since then, it’s been hard at times to feel festive, and I’m still learning what Christmas looks like in this chapter of my life.

But this year feels different in the best possible way. With Emily and I moving into our own home — hopefully just in time for Christmas — everything will undoubtedly be new again. A new space, new routines, and with them, new traditions that we’ll create together. For the first time in a long time, I can feel that festive spark returning, although looking around the current lounge it doesn't physically look like it. There is something special about making Christmas in your new home with the one you love and instead of trying to fit myself into old traditions that no longer make sense, I get to start fresh and we’ll find our own little rituals, the ones that become ‘ours’ without even realising it. It feels like the beginning of a new chapter — one that carries the memories of the past but also makes room for joy over the festive period to become more prominent.

New traditions doesn’t mean leaving anything behind. It simply means allowing the past and the present to coexist in a way that feels honest. I know there will still be moments where the quiet catches me off guard, but I also know that joy has a way of finding its place again, even after loss. Maybe that’s what Christmas is teaching me now — that healing doesn’t arrive all at once, but in small, unexpected ways that slowly knit this season back together.